January was a much better month for us! The second weekend in January we were told of a baby girl born in Ohio who was going through withdraws in the NICU. The birthmom had chosen us and we were just waiting for her to sign papers. Unfortunately the birthmom never showed up to sign, she cut off all communication with the adoption agency, and we moved on from this match. The good this about this match is we knew about it for very little time (our agency had to tell us about it because they had to make sure we were okay to adopt a baby born addicted), another good thing is we didn't travel to meet the baby, we also knew how unpredictable adoption could be so we didn't get our hopes up! I didn't tell many people about this baby, but luckily my best friend, who lives an ocean away was in the states with her husband for the holidays and I was able to tell her. I got to spend a WONDERFUL day with both Natalie and Sarah (my oldest and best friends) in Bowling Green on January 11th and we spent time in prayer for each other. What a blessing!
I also spent time getting ready to have surgery. I was scheduled to have my gallbladder removed and have an infertility specialist remove some endometriosis on January 24th. Apparently they are running a special on gallbladder removals because a ton of people I know have recently gotten theirs removed or are getting theirs removed soon! This brings me up to January 20th a Crazy day that gets it's own post! :)
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The Holidays...
The Holidays this past year were pretty rough! I had no idea how difficult they would be until Thanksgiving morning. On Halloween I was a little down because I had specifically asked off of work thinking I would have a little one home with me, but Halloweeen was nothing compared to Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving was nothing compared to Christmas!
We spent Thanksgiving with Josh's family which was nice! I started off the morning cooking and crying in my kitchen, when Josh asked what was wrong and when I couldn't form the words he knew immediately what it was. I was missing sweet Caroline like crazy! We spent that evening with Josh's parents and grandma eating yummy food. It was a low key thanksgiving, which is just what I needed (usually the holidays with the Toebbe's are CRAZY!!). I was definitley not in the mood to be around a lot of people.
As Christmas got closer and closer my mood got worse and worse! I didn't want to be around anything that reminded me of Christmas! I tried decorating the house, makingJosh bring up the Christmas tree from the basement and set it up, just to make him take it back down and put in back in the basement...decorating didn't happen! Luckily, this year I worked on Christmas Eve night. I never thought I'd ever be excited to work on Christmas Eve but a bunch of us wore ugly Christmas sweaters and we ate lots of yummy food. Taking care of the sickies in the ICU ended up being a wonderful distraction! Christmas morning we drove to my parents house and spent 4 days there. Being with my husband, my parents, and my brother and sister was just what I needed!! Christmas day ended up being really nice and spending time with my family lifted me spirits.
The holiday season was a fresh reminder that we didn't have Caroline...that we weren't parents. It was a dark time in my walk with Christ. There was a lot of anger and bitterness built up in my heart that I spent the majority of January working through. Luckily I had wonderful friends and family praying for me, encouraging me, and helping me through this time!
We spent Thanksgiving with Josh's family which was nice! I started off the morning cooking and crying in my kitchen, when Josh asked what was wrong and when I couldn't form the words he knew immediately what it was. I was missing sweet Caroline like crazy! We spent that evening with Josh's parents and grandma eating yummy food. It was a low key thanksgiving, which is just what I needed (usually the holidays with the Toebbe's are CRAZY!!). I was definitley not in the mood to be around a lot of people.
As Christmas got closer and closer my mood got worse and worse! I didn't want to be around anything that reminded me of Christmas! I tried decorating the house, makingJosh bring up the Christmas tree from the basement and set it up, just to make him take it back down and put in back in the basement...decorating didn't happen! Luckily, this year I worked on Christmas Eve night. I never thought I'd ever be excited to work on Christmas Eve but a bunch of us wore ugly Christmas sweaters and we ate lots of yummy food. Taking care of the sickies in the ICU ended up being a wonderful distraction! Christmas morning we drove to my parents house and spent 4 days there. Being with my husband, my parents, and my brother and sister was just what I needed!! Christmas day ended up being really nice and spending time with my family lifted me spirits.
The holiday season was a fresh reminder that we didn't have Caroline...that we weren't parents. It was a dark time in my walk with Christ. There was a lot of anger and bitterness built up in my heart that I spent the majority of January working through. Luckily I had wonderful friends and family praying for me, encouraging me, and helping me through this time!
Catching Up!!
A LOT has happened since I last posted 6 months ago! I'm going to post from the Holidays on and hopefully get everyone caught up on our CRAZY adoption journey!
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