My amazing husband drove the whole 10 hours home so that I could sleep. We managed to fit everything baby related in the trunk of our car so that we didn't have to see any of it. I didn't want to think about what had just happened.
We came home to a clean house, a stocked fridge, and meals in our freezer provided by our incredible church family. They knew we needed to take time to heal and we wouldn't want to go to the grocery or worry about cooking.
We put all things baby related in the nursery and shut the door. For the next few weeks I migrated from the couch to the bed and back again in a haze. Friends invited us over and we would go, and I would begin sobbing the minute a friend hugged me. While I shut down, Josh began working a projects all over the house. He didn't slow down at all, in fact...he sped up. (We both deal with grief differently!!)
Walking into church our first sunday back was incredibly hard. Inevitably there were people who hadn't heard what happened and we were excitedly asked "when do you get your baby?" We sat in our ABF where a sweet couple had just had their second child. Seeing the carseat completely overwhelmed me and I had to leave the room.
We were devastated.
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