Our Second Disrupted Adoption

We got the call in the middle of August that we had been chosen by a birthmom due in November...then 10 minutes later we were called back and asked if a birthmom who was due in 2 weeks chose us would we want to go forward with that adoption? I didn't know what to say, so I looked to Josh, and he said "yes".

We began to prepare for this second adoption and I began to have incredible anxiety. I was begging God to stop this adoption in its tracks if this baby was not suppose to be in our home. I began praying continuously and if I wasn't praying I was listening to Praise and Worship music. In the first week after we learned of this adoption God convicted me. Through my anxiety he showed me that I had made having children an idol in my life. I had wrapped my thoughts and actions around having children for the last 2 years and it had taken my attention away from God.

In the middle of my living room with my swiffer duster in hand and praise and worship blaring from the computer I started praying. I admitted to myself and God that I had made children an idol in my life and through tears I told God that if this adoption disrupted HE was still good, HIS plan was still perfect, and I would trust HIM. I told him that if Josh and I never had children HE was still good, HIS plan was still perfect, and I would trust HIM.

We got the call that our birthmom was in labor and made our way to her city. We spent an hour and a half with a beautiful baby boy, but managed to not become attached (God was protecting our hearts). The next day we were told that the birthmom had changed her mind. With tears in my eyes I hung up the phone and first told God that HE was still good and HIS plan was still perfect, then I told Josh we needed to read a Psalm. I randomly opened my Bible and the first chapter I turned to was Psalm 113. The last verse, Psalm 113:9, says...

"He gives the barren woman a home,

making her the joyous mother of children

Praise the LORD!"

What an incredible God we serve that He brings comfort through his word in a time that I needed it most. I can say that the healing process for this disrupted adoption has been much different then for the first. I am trusting God's perfect plan for my life and relying on him for my joy. I can truly say that without both disrupted adoptions I would not have placed God before children in my life. I am grateful I can say to God "If you never bless us with children, you are still good and your plan is still perfect."